Never Give Up! Even on your darkest days, the light will shine through the clouds! You are not alone! Honor the stranger, for you may be entertaining angels!
As I share more insights regarding my experience at NAMI Con 2024, this message became more clear! The Most High prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies! My cup ran to overflowing!
I met some of the most amazing people who are advocates for mental health care. When we take the time to truly listen and hear people’s stories, you find resilience and tenacity as well as a deep desire for connecting to make a change!
I embarked on a healing journey. As I shared in my previous post, I was nominated by my local NAMI SWOH Affiliate to receive the National Multicultural Outreach Award for 2024! They covered all my expenses! I was honored after 18 years of service having met hundreds of people over the course of my tenure with more than one NAMI Affiliate.
I am a Kentucky native. I grew up in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. I am from a very rural area. Many of my classmates have never left the area where we grew up.
I struggled with depression and anxiety following the death of my Grandmother, Cora L. Adams when I was 15 years old. You see, she raised me. My world revolved around her example of service to our community. She was a business owner—she had owned a restaurant, ran a funeral home, owned and managed rental properties, became a beautician and owned a salon. All these things were housed at her home. She was truly a renaissance woman! I learned good customer service and loving people from a young age. After granddaddy’s passing, she added managing a farm to her resume.
This was also modeled by both my parents. My mother was a teacher and a librarian. She met my father in embalming school. Daddy became a barber to continue running my deceased grandfather’s barber shop. Together, they helped my grandmother with her businesses.
As a child, I realized from the example set before me, that although you have services to offer your community, NO ONE will patronize you if you are not kind and caring. Genuinely! People will always remember how you made them feel.
I became an Educator. I loved working with my students. Over the years, and after a 20 year career, I had to retire on disability due to a back and pelvic girdle injury I received that started one spring day when several of my male students thought it was a good day for a water balloon fight with condoms! I slipped on one when I was coming back from the lounge with my lunch. Literally, life changed for me in May 1989.
My depression and anxiety began to get worse. You see, when you have chronic pain, your outlook can become very narrow.
During and up to this point in time, I had also lost my father to untreated depression. Daddy operated an ambulance service and saw so many traumatic things! He self-medicated with alcohol. This seemed normal because nearly all my adopted Uncles who were his colleagues, had similar issues. Now I understand, the stigma in our community towards getting mental health treatment, dealing with life in the Jim Crow South, segregation everywhere you showed up in brown skin, were reason enough for the dysfunction. Daddy the youngest son of 5 children, lost his father at the age of 9. Even more trauma. He was raised by a loving man, Granddaddy Wil Rodgers. He and Grandma Esther were hard working people. Yet I know life wasn’t easy for them either.
Daddy, who was only 48 years old, stopped drinking during the celebration of my marriage to Albert Barfield, my college sweetheart. We didn’t know that would lead to a heart attack 2 days later from his body going into withdrawals and it was too much since he wasn’t in a treatment facility. Daddy transitioned to the Ancestral realm April 12, 1982.
My beloved Mother had her own struggles. She was given to the Adams family when her mother, a single parent, moved to Southwest Ohio to work and make a better life for her children. I have never seen pictures of my Grandma Janie Hayden but I have been told what a beautiful woman she was inside and out. She was an amazing cook and housekeeper. She would send for my mother in the summers and on holidays. Momma was 9 when she left. Momma was 17 when she made her ancestral transition. More trauma! Momma graduated as the valedictorian of her high school class. She graduated from KY State College (now a University) an HBCU in Frankfort. She suffered with diabetes. She lost both her legs during my teenage years. Later she was on dialysis for 13 years and became legally blind. Yet, she had a 35 year teaching career before she made her transition January 25, 1999 at the age of 66 years young.
I have taken you on this journey to share with you how I ultimately discovered my own need for help with my mental health. If we are not stable mentally, we are unable to make wise choices and good decisions. Fear, false evidence appearing real, can become your constant companion. Grandma Cora modeled self care by taking time to crochet, pray, read her Bible, sew, and prepare delicious meals. She had help with the housekeeping. Ms. Alice Penman also lived with us when I was growing up. She helped take care of my brother and I while our parents were working.
My parents lived in the house next door to the funeral home. My brother, 3 1/2 years younger, experiences seizure disorder, so he was with my parents. I was with my parents daily, but it was different not being with them at night. For many years, I had to unpack the why. I finally came to peace within. I needed to learn the lessons from Grandma Cora about unconditional love and forgiveness. Her husband had been unfaithful and my mother was a result of that infidelity.
Secrets can kill you! Shame can bury you alive! Rejection can feel like the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Yet, by being transparent, we expose the dirty little secrets and they can have no more power over us!
This may be why I have become Mama Yondi to so many adopted children! I have a heartfelt passion to share the love that was given me as a child, by a beautiful woman who loved me unconditionally. I never asked why I stayed behind when my parents moved from the funeral home to the house next door. I don’t remember much about Granddaddy Will Adams because he was in his 80’s when he transitioned. Grandma Cora was his second wife. His first wife had passed. He had 2 children from that marriage. He was a business man and had a taxi service, a barber shop, a funeral home, a farm, and rental properties.
I was told years later that his oldest son left for Chicago when he was blamed for fathering my mother. My mother had a lot of trauma. Lots of “secrets”! No wonder she suffered a mental breakdown when we were children!
It’s time to break the trauma bonds! It’s time to heal from the past and all the secrets! I want my children and the generations going forward to know where they came from. It wasn’t always a “pretty story” tied in a neat package. My grandfather was the product of his mother being raped by the owner of farm where they lived. He looked like a white man. Because technically, he was!
Going to NAMI Con helped me to unpack a lot of this. You see, as I met people on my trip there, I saw parts of my story intertwined in theirs. I know how rejection feels. I know how hard it is to manage life as a single parent. I know how hard it can be to juggle a full time job; have household responsibilities; maybe even a part time job; children and their activities. All this while attempting to manage a chronic condition. Life can get Lifey!
Taking the time to learn mindfulness practices, deep breathing, tapping, seeing a therapist, learning Jin Shin Jyutsu finger holds, praying, writing, exercise—water walking for me since it’s a challenge with concrete due to my back project; dancing, yoga while breathing into the holds seated and modified while standing; are helping me to ground, self-soothe and begin to heal the pain and trauma.
I also love to read. Knowledge is power!
I met a delightful lady on my flight home. She was coming back from Atlanta for the 50 year reunion of her Women’s College that no longer exists. It was bought out by Miami University, Oxford. You see, her college was instrumental in training students for SNICK. She told me that community leaders like Fannie Lou Hammer, Stokley Carmichael, John Lewis and others were students when they came for intense training in the Civil Rights Movement during what would later be called Freedom Summer of 1964.
It was truly a dangerous time. Three of the students disappeared in the Meridian Mississippi area. Here is a link of what became known as Mississippi Burning.
https://www.fbi.gov/history/famous-cases/mississippi-burning
As a result of the activism of this Women’s College, their funding dried up and the college closed in 1974.
I had heard about this from my Beloved Albert who was from Meridian, MS. Albert’s Uncle George Moseley was a principal at the time and was connected to many community activities that were going on. I was a year away from starting school. I would be in the first class of African Ancestry children to integrate our school system.
It truly was a turbulent time. Sadly, we are still in turbulent times. Our nation is still divided. The real His-story of this nation is trying to be silenced. It is up to us to exercise our rights. I never imagined that things would be this bad! Yet, I press on! Colonization and patriarchal systems set up by the founding fathers are being threatened and it’s time for a change.
Grassroots organizations like NAMI are working to change the narrative. I am thankful to be a part of this change! As a new member of the Cross Cultural Innovation and Engagement (CCIE) being led by Dawn Brown, our Director, was formed after the death of George Floyd. One of our missions is to have community conversations around mental health and wellness that reflect our collective community. This has been hard for a lot of the leadership across the country. The first time Sharing Hope was rolled out 16 years ago, we had a faith component. Yet, we shared space with others in our community. I helped to launch this at my first affiliate I was a member of. It helped get the word out. Yet we still didn’t have a space, we didn’t truly have a voice or a seat at the table.
I shared with you some of the trauma that I have in my own family lineage. It’s still very taboo to be so open. But I want to use my own life story because no one else has ever walked in my shoes.
When I finished my second Masters program from the University of KY, I remembered that just a “few” years earlier, my uncle couldn’t take his GRE there because of segregation. Uncle Bill had to go to Berea College. He later attended medical school at Meharry Medical College in Nashville, TN. He went on to specialize in Gynecology and Obstetrics. He actually delivered my brother!
I met a young man from Zimbabwe named Taffy while at NAMI Con! He lost his mother at age 18. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after coming to the United States for college. He had suffered a breakdown his sophomore year and was taken in handcuffs to the hospital. Needless to say, he was traumatized! He is doing well now. He is married to a beautiful person and they have two beautiful daughters. He has his Masters and is doing well. I now have a son of Zimbabwe. I want him to connect with my son from the Congo.
When we were jointly interviewed by an Anglo-Saxon female social worker named Adrienne, who has a podcast, we found that many of our experiences were similar! Adrienne commented that as a White woman, even when she did not think about it, her privilege of simply being in “white” skin opened a lot of doors for her. She wants to give back through learning more about diverse cultures so she can relate to her clients.
We held our interview in the Yoga room at the conference. It was so peaceful and the presence of the Most High was truly there. The beautiful instructor reminded me of my Philippine Sister Corazon who made her ancestral transition last year. Cora was also a fitness instructor! She showed me various stretches to do in the water. She also shared with me years later about Body Groove.
I felt such a relief and release of pain that I began to weep. She prayed for me. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I carry that healing gift with me daily now.
I met a delightful young man who describes himself as a tall, gay and Asian man. He is the age of my son. He is a widow. He was struggling with health challenges and loneliness and had suicidal thoughts. He had an encounter with the God of his understanding and things started to turn around for him! He has a company that helps young people to heal with humor and story telling. I now have an Asian son!
I met several amazing young people from the LGBTQIA community. I am so thankful I have gotten over my homophobia. At the end of the day, we are all fearfully and wonderfully made! We can’t stay inside four walls and do the work of the Most High. I have added more children to my tribe!
At the end of the day, we are more alike than we are different!
I talked to vendors from around the country. I found out about treatment facilities that offer services for elders.
I had an opportunity to meet an amazing young lady whose organization was formed to assist young girls aged 13-17 who are struggling with mental health challenges. Zoey Grace is amazing! She blessed me by buying my meal. The same young lady who served my cousin and I the day before, was working that day. I found out her name was JaeJae! She was delighted to see me again as I was her! She made a special trip to the back of the restaurant and brought me boiling hot water for my tea. They didn’t serve hot tea! But I needed some so I could go to my room, get quiet, rest and reflect before my “red eye” flight left that evening.
Zoey started this organization to help girls, who like her, were dealing with loss or were victims of sex trafficking. She had lost her brother, who was 17, to the flu! He was a healthy golfer. She was 15 and looked up to him. She became a cutter to find a release for her pain. Her parents have started a foundation in her brother Matt’s honor to offer a scholarship for a local student. I have another daughter! She just became engaged in March. Her wedding will be in Dallas next year on May 2 at a garden which has a space dedicated to butterflies!
As I was sharing a picture of my daughter and I from several years ago, a very strange look came over her. The picture was dated May 19. That was her brother’s birthday! Coincidence? I don’t think so. It is a God incident!
I had a chance encounter with an amazing young man who is a film maker. Antwon has written and directed a film entitled HUSH! This documentary takes you through what it is like to be a person of African Ancestry dealing with the many aspects of Mental Health. The wisdom that resonates throughout the film is beyond words! I was able to view his amazing film on Tuesday night. He is actually allowing us to view the video by scanning a QR code which he is allowing me to share for a limited time! I didn’t realize that he was just at the Freedom Center in Cincinnati showing his film! I am so proud of him!
You can rent this video free with the code summer24. https://a38films.gumroad.com/l/hushdocumentary
I met a beautiful young woman who was working in the gift shop. She asked me about NAMI. I shared with her about our mission. She then shared with me about her own journey. Although we are from different cultures, I could relate to her journey as she did mine. She gifted me with such love!
I truly enjoyed getting to know the beautiful and diverse women who are new staff members for our NAMI affiliate. They are amazing! I also met our Affiliate Peer Leader of the Year who received the “Duffy” award named after one of our amazing Volunteers who managed our Helpline until his Ancestral transition. I still have information and brochures that I got from Duffy at his home during COVID. His presence was certainly felt as I connected so deeply with Jen B. We are truly Sisters from another Mister! She and my daughter had milestone birthdays on May 5th! A kinder and more beautiful soul could not be found! I am so honored we got to spend time exploring downtown Denver. Although we set my phone for a “walking map”, it seems that since I was using a motorized scooter, my phone switched to driving! We finally got the Sheraton in our view and went with our instinct and made it back to the hotel!
Among the road construction and busyness of the city, there were a lot of homeless people with serious mental illness. It was heartbreaking. I didn’t have money to give, but I did have the gift of a smile. I have the gift of being a Mental Health Advocate who is not afraid to speak out about the inequities in our health care system that became even more pronounced with COVID.
Although I am having to slow down more so I can have more family time, I had the pleasure of meeting and talking with our NAMI Chief Executive Officer, Dan Gillison, Jr. I am excited to be helping move the vision forward!
The Divine Nine showed up and made their presence known at the invitation of our CEO and our CCIE Director Dawn Brown. The mixer on Tuesday night was amazing! It showcased members of the D9 who live in the area. We had Spoken Word, Music, Comedy and Fellowship! As the members from across the country strolled and stepped, we enjoyed their energy! They are partnering with our CCIE initiative like CHEA and Sharing Hope. I am delighted to be the new National Sharing Hope Consultant. One part of my role is training community members. The other part is to work with Grantees to assist them with technical support. I just met with them prior to NAMI Con!
My role is certainly shifting! I am delighted to be in this season of change. Holy Love has turned my ashes into beauty. I have been given the oil of joy for the spirit of heaviness! I have found my tribe!
I pray my legacy continues as I wear my beautiful pearl broach a Sista I met at the Conference took from her pocket and said, I packed this not knowing who I was to gift this to. I will proudly wear and keep it safe as I play dress up with my granddaughters when we have our tea parties. I also need to teach them how to play jacks! This time we can use a tabletop! I will think about my beautiful childhood friend Kittie (who made her Ancestral transition on April 11, 2024, and set a place at the table for her! Kittie will always be in my heart! She along with all my loved ones who I truly believe are cheering me on to the finish line! Let’s heal that trauma and be free!
Enjoy two of my favorite artists, Jon Batiste, Freedom. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=3YHVC1DcHmo&si=zVG6IZ1P7CV8dqvU
I also need to share a selection by Kirk Franklin entitled All Things! https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=2Qnqm3MHVZM&si=Y5xpIiixqD0uHMgA
Have an amazing day! I am headed to a dance recital to support Ryleigh one of the little blessings in my life!
(c) (2024) Yolonda Kelsor. All rights reserved.
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